2014 A Labor Day Weekend Barbecue

 Introduction

 I have 13 grandchildren and 3 stepgrandchildren.   This is mostly about my 7th grandchild who I will call S - just a few small incidents in a series of many greater ones.  Ancient wisdom says the 7th child is special and he is special, as in special needs !   When he was small we were very close, but now I keep my distance from him.  Actually I am afraid of him.   A recent incident involved my calling the police.  Writing this brings to mind the saying about 'walking a mile in another man's shoes' as one usually has little idea of what goes on in other people's lives!!

______________________

I am in Costco the Friday before Labor Day and they have a Road Show with various seafood, including cockles, mussels and some wild salmon.   In a moment of weakness I buy a whole salmon (sans head) at the incredible price of $4.99 a pound.    The man slips it into two long plastic bags with ice between to keep it fresh on the way home.

I am limping, as the previous day while walking in wet grass I got stung twice by a wasp and my left foot is swollen, hot and sore. This sting leads me to read about wasps, initially how to treat the sting but then to find out about them.   Apparently there are 3 different kinds in California and the ones around my house are paper wasps.   They are social wasps and build their nests of chewed wood pulp.   They rarely sting and are not aggressive like yellow jackets.    Their nests can contain between 12 and 100 workers.   The adults feed on nectar while the larvae are fed pre chewed caterpillars by the adults.  Wasps are quite good pollinators.  During November each year, the adults and the old queen die and after mating, a new young queen burrows into the ground to hibernate until spring.   The nest is not used again so when she emerges she builds a small one of her own.   She raises the first generation herself but once workers emerge they collect food and the queen does nothing but lay eggs.

I keep the salmon in the fridge for the next couple of days but by Sunday I begin to worry about how fresh it is, so decide to have the barbecue that day.   My daughter and her 3 children are invited for 6 p.m. and after elevating and resting my foot for a while I begin cooking at 4.    I am hoping for some help from my daughter but she's taken the children to the park and for a bike ride, so is not available though she's supposed to bring the vegetables and also dessert if she wishes.    I fetch the barbecue coals from the garage and get the barbecue ready to light.    It hasn't been used for some months, since my son was here for a visit in early summer.   Walking is painful.  Then I begin cooking for potato salad.    I have a great recipe which is always a big hit with the children.    Earlier I found a recipe and instructions online for cooking a whole salmon, so I wash the fish and prepare it with slices of lemon and chopped dill.      I wrap the entire thing in heavy duty foil and it's ready to go.  

I hear a knock at my back door and turning round I see my 16 year old grandson at the French door.    My heart sinks.   He is young for his age and also has childhood onset bipolar disorder, which is very severe.   Childhood onset bipolar is much worse than anything that develops later in life and makes him extremely difficult and stressful to deal with.   He is on various medications which keep being adjusted, so far without much effect.   I had no idea he hadn't gone to the park.   I go to the door, which is almost always kept locked so he can't barge in on me, causing havoc, but he promises to behave.   I suggest he helps me light the barbecue which he enjoys.  

He asks for some barbecue tongs but I tell him I will find them in a moment.   Without my noticing he then takes my wood toaster tongs and when I check on him a few minutes later I find the end on fire !   Unfortunately as soon as he's left alone again he tests the metal grille with the tip of his finger, burning off a piece of skin.    He rushes in and we put the finger in cold water and then find neosporin and a bandaid.    Almost as soon as the bandaid is on he rips it off while I caution about pain and infection.    He then wants to use my Wii.    I make the excuse that I'm not sure where the remote is and am too busy to look for it.    I keep my remotes hidden because of his behavior.    Last time he tried to hack into the system and caused a lot of stress.  Then he asks for the Roku, to listen to music.   Unfortunately this turns out to be rap with nasty lyrics, not only 4 letter words but graphic violence, at full blast.    I am getting stressed and unhappy, having difficulty concentrating and regretting my decision to have a barbecue.   I never discipline him nowadays, as he is my height and much stronger and becomes violent fast with certain triggers, usually to do with electronics or something he wishes to either buy or sell.

Shortly the rest of the family return and younger brother, comes to the door.     He is 8 years old, a dear little boy and nicely behaved, as is their sister, who is 12.   I rush out and summon my daughter to help turn down the rap noise.   This entails a big argument and threats to his mother, even the beginning of some violence.    Fortunately he calms down and after the music is turned off they all go to Trader Joe to get some dessert.   S is a massively talented singer and earned $50 singing recently, so is happy to go to the store with money in his pocket.  He excels in all areas of his extremely narrow interests, so it's sad that he cannot function well in the day to day world.  

After they return with a large bag of various goodies, Julian finds one of his favorite DVD's, Lord of the Rings and puts it on, without asking and rather loud, but none of us say anything.   My mother used to say 'choose your battles' and this is definitely good advice where he is concerned.  I continue with my preparations for dinner - putting the salmon on the barbecue and finishing the potato salad, getting out plates and utensils, cleaning off the patio table, turning the fish periodically.  The younger children are disappointed that the salmon's head with eyes, has been removed !

With all the chaos the meal is later than I planned.   Just as we are about to eat S opens both my French doors and turns the TV towards the patio.  He refuses to turn it off and neither Jenny nor I feels like another argument.  My heart sinks, there goes my nice peaceful evening with conversation, enjoying the meal.   We eat to the sound of the music that accompanies movie battles.    Fortunately the fish is delicious and all the food turns out well.    Everyone eats lots.   S has bought an enormous bar of chocolate, a great deal of which he snatches before his mother can stop him.   

 

I learn the following day that he was awake until 2 a.m. with the caffeine high.   My daughter is exhausted but S is his usual exuberant self!