2014 A Labor Day Weekend Barbecue

 Introduction

 I have 13 grandchildren and 3 stepgrandchildren.   This is mostly about my 7th grandchild who I will call S - just a few small incidents in a series of many greater ones.  Ancient wisdom says the 7th child is special and he is special, as in special needs !   When he was small we were very close, but now I keep my distance from him.  Actually I am afraid of him.   A recent incident involved my calling the police.  Writing this brings to mind the saying about 'walking a mile in another man's shoes' as one usually has little idea of what goes on in other people's lives!!

______________________

I am in Costco the Friday before Labor Day and they have a Road Show with various seafood, including cockles, mussels and some wild salmon.   In a moment of weakness I buy a whole salmon (sans head) at the incredible price of $4.99 a pound.    The man slips it into two long plastic bags with ice between to keep it fresh on the way home.

I am limping, as the previous day while walking in wet grass I got stung twice by a wasp and my left foot is swollen, hot and sore. This sting leads me to read about wasps, initially how to treat the sting but then to find out about them.   Apparently there are 3 different kinds in California and the ones around my house are paper wasps.   They are social wasps and build their nests of chewed wood pulp.   They rarely sting and are not aggressive like yellow jackets.    Their nests can contain between 12 and 100 workers.   The adults feed on nectar while the larvae are fed pre chewed caterpillars by the adults.  Wasps are quite good pollinators.  During November each year, the adults and the old queen die and after mating, a new young queen burrows into the ground to hibernate until spring.   The nest is not used again so when she emerges she builds a small one of her own.   She raises the first generation herself but once workers emerge they collect food and the queen does nothing but lay eggs.

I keep the salmon in the fridge for the next couple of days but by Sunday I begin to worry about how fresh it is, so decide to have the barbecue that day.   My daughter and her 3 children are invited for 6 p.m. and after elevating and resting my foot for a while I begin cooking at 4.    I am hoping for some help from my daughter but she's taken the children to the park and for a bike ride, so is not available though she's supposed to bring the vegetables and also dessert if she wishes.    I fetch the barbecue coals from the garage and get the barbecue ready to light.    It hasn't been used for some months, since my son was here for a visit in early summer.   Walking is painful.  Then I begin cooking for potato salad.    I have a great recipe which is always a big hit with the children.    Earlier I found a recipe and instructions online for cooking a whole salmon, so I wash the fish and prepare it with slices of lemon and chopped dill.      I wrap the entire thing in heavy duty foil and it's ready to go.  

I hear a knock at my back door and turning round I see my 16 year old grandson at the French door.    My heart sinks.   He is young for his age and also has childhood onset bipolar disorder, which is very severe.   Childhood onset bipolar is much worse than anything that develops later in life and makes him extremely difficult and stressful to deal with.   He is on various medications which keep being adjusted, so far without much effect.   I had no idea he hadn't gone to the park.   I go to the door, which is almost always kept locked so he can't barge in on me, causing havoc, but he promises to behave.   I suggest he helps me light the barbecue which he enjoys.  

He asks for some barbecue tongs but I tell him I will find them in a moment.   Without my noticing he then takes my wood toaster tongs and when I check on him a few minutes later I find the end on fire !   Unfortunately as soon as he's left alone again he tests the metal grille with the tip of his finger, burning off a piece of skin.    He rushes in and we put the finger in cold water and then find neosporin and a bandaid.    Almost as soon as the bandaid is on he rips it off while I caution about pain and infection.    He then wants to use my Wii.    I make the excuse that I'm not sure where the remote is and am too busy to look for it.    I keep my remotes hidden because of his behavior.    Last time he tried to hack into the system and caused a lot of stress.  Then he asks for the Roku, to listen to music.   Unfortunately this turns out to be rap with nasty lyrics, not only 4 letter words but graphic violence, at full blast.    I am getting stressed and unhappy, having difficulty concentrating and regretting my decision to have a barbecue.   I never discipline him nowadays, as he is my height and much stronger and becomes violent fast with certain triggers, usually to do with electronics or something he wishes to either buy or sell.

Shortly the rest of the family return and younger brother, comes to the door.     He is 8 years old, a dear little boy and nicely behaved, as is their sister, who is 12.   I rush out and summon my daughter to help turn down the rap noise.   This entails a big argument and threats to his mother, even the beginning of some violence.    Fortunately he calms down and after the music is turned off they all go to Trader Joe to get some dessert.   S is a massively talented singer and earned $50 singing recently, so is happy to go to the store with money in his pocket.  He excels in all areas of his extremely narrow interests, so it's sad that he cannot function well in the day to day world.  

After they return with a large bag of various goodies, Julian finds one of his favorite DVD's, Lord of the Rings and puts it on, without asking and rather loud, but none of us say anything.   My mother used to say 'choose your battles' and this is definitely good advice where he is concerned.  I continue with my preparations for dinner - putting the salmon on the barbecue and finishing the potato salad, getting out plates and utensils, cleaning off the patio table, turning the fish periodically.  The younger children are disappointed that the salmon's head with eyes, has been removed !

With all the chaos the meal is later than I planned.   Just as we are about to eat S opens both my French doors and turns the TV towards the patio.  He refuses to turn it off and neither Jenny nor I feels like another argument.  My heart sinks, there goes my nice peaceful evening with conversation, enjoying the meal.   We eat to the sound of the music that accompanies movie battles.    Fortunately the fish is delicious and all the food turns out well.    Everyone eats lots.   S has bought an enormous bar of chocolate, a great deal of which he snatches before his mother can stop him.   

 

I learn the following day that he was awake until 2 a.m. with the caffeine high.   My daughter is exhausted but S is his usual exuberant self! 

 

Writing Class

I am taking a writing class. It is supposed to be autobiographical but not everyone writes what I would consider an autobiography. Some of the aspiring authors write about something that has happened in their life recently. We each read our most recent attempt and the size of the class varies from about 12 to 20 people. We meet twice a month.

It's fascinating to listen to the myriad experiences that have happened to virtual strangers. We are all so different and have had such a lot of things happen to us. One lady was born in Hawaii to a comfortably well off family and recently told us about her teenage and college years, which included how she met her husband and acted in school plays.

Another woman is a nurse, born in Germany and has written in detail about her training. Naturally some of my classmates write more interestingly than others. There are a couple that are so boring you hate to listen ! I usually deliberately turn my mind to other thoughts when it's their turn to read.

Our teacher is great ! He is very spiritual and kind. He has psychic abilities and worked at one point as a water dowser. He also helped various law enforcement agencies find missing persons. He did my horoscope for me recently, and it'is different to any I've seen before as he likes to use the Chinese data.

Pyrotechnics

Pyrotechnics

July 4th, or Independence Day brings back many fond memories of fireworks day in England, which is celebrated on November 5th as Bonfire Day or Guy Fawkes Day.   This was originally known as Gunpowder Treason Day.   In the year 1605, a group of mostly Catholic conspirators were arrested for attempting to blow up parliament on November 5th, the day that King James I was scheduled to officially reopen the next parliamentary session.    Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators had hidden gunpowder in the basement and he had entered the building to ignite it when he was arrested.    Someone had alerted the authorities !     During the years prior to that attempt Catholics were discriminated against in numerous ways and the plotters hoped to start a rebellion after the explosion.  Unfortunately after most of the perpetrators were arrested, even more punitive and discriminatory laws were passed.   There is even a  nursery rhyme which begins: "Remember, remember the fifth of November, Gunpowder, treason and plot..." (full words below)

My older brother, Richard, and I would save our money for weeks in advance to buy fireworks, which were kept in boxes under our beds.   Our collections were a source of huge excitement.   We were always strongly cautioned by our mother on the dangers, although I realize now that our bedrooms were not the best place to store them !   There were Catherine wheels, sparklers, fountains, squibs and rockets.   My mother always did the lighting, at least until my brother was in his teens.   

There was also the community bonfire.     This was an enormous pile of wood provided by various people in the neighborhood and piled in a large field near our house.     It could be 15 or more feet high.  On top of this someone would place an effigy of Guy Fawkes, which is somewhat like a scarecrow except that the clothes are stuffed with crumpled newspaper.   Children will often display these to passersby and ask for money to spend on fireworks, by saying "A penny for the guy ?", although we were not allowed to do this.    We didn't always go to see bonfire burn, as November in England is frequently cold and rainy, but once lit, the heat from the pile was tremendous.

While doing my research, I learned the following about fireworks:

They originated in the Far East, most likely in China, though possibly India, but were used as far back as 600 AD.    Apparently bamboo sticks placed on a fire often have air bubbles that explode when burned.    The noise must have been terrifying to the unitiated and soon they were being used to scare away evil spirits.    Later saltpeter, honey and arsenic disulfide were placed inside bamboo tubes and used to deter enemies, though it wasn't long before someone came up with the idea of using them as weapons. 

Fireworks ingredients today are of the exact same proportions as those used in the 11th century.   Marco Polo introduced fireworks to Italy in 1292 , from whence they became popular throughout Europe.    Kings used them at coronations, weddings and religious festivals.  Music was commissioned from famous composers to accompany the displays, which were grander than those of today.   By 1830 Florence, Italy had a factory that produced most of the fireworks in Europe. The Italians invented pyrotechnics, the art and science of fireworks, creating families of pyrotechnic artists almost like royalty and carrying the tradition for generations.

The first record of Europeans using rockets in warfare was in 1379 at the siege of Chioggia, Italy. The Italians used the term "rochetto", taking the name from yarn-making spools with a similar shape, but later, the British changed this to rocket.    In the 16th century a Romanian, Conrad Haas, conceived 2-stage rockets, as well as rockets designed to explode on impact.  He also came up with the concept of fins, instead of a stick, to balance the rockets.

Over the years it was found that trace amounts of metals caused special effects.  Titanium causes sparks, zinc: clouds, calcium deepens colors, blue from copper, gold from aluminum and magnesium, green: barium salts, red: strontium salts, yellow: sodium salts, and white: aluminum and magnesium.

Every year thousands of people are injured by fireworks both in the United States and England and each time there is a push to ban them.  Many cities have banned them due to the fire hazard, though they are usually still sold and legal in large cities where there is no dry and incendiary vegetation.   Even where they are banned and there are large public fireworks displays to watch there are usually a few brave souls who still light their own !
***********************************************

Traditional English Rhyme - 17th Century)

Remember, remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, 'twas his intent
To blow up the King and the Parliament
Three score barrels of powder below
Poor old England to overthrow
By God's providence he was catched
With a dark lantern and burning match
Holloa boys, holloa boys
God save the King!
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray!

A penny loaf to feed ol' Pope
A farthing cheese to choke him
A pint of beer to rinse it down
A faggot of sticks to burn him
Burn him in a tub of tar
Burn him like a blazing star
Burn his body from his head
Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray!

HOT FEET, BURNING hot feet, INSOMNIA DUE TO HOT FEET, CAUSE OF HOT FEET, HELP FOR PEOPLE WITH HOT FEET, CAN'T SLEEP DUE TO HOT FEET

I will be posting on this again, as I have finally (April 2016) learned what is wrong with me and am taking dietary steps to correct it !!!      

                                                                                                                       
For many years my life has been made extremely miserable due to burning hot feet. My feet are fine during the day, but anywhere from ten minutes to a couple of hours after going to sleep they become fiery hot. Once I put the thermometer between them and it registered 101 degrees F. This makes it impossible to sleep after the first couple of hours of exhaustion. I had tried everything: leaving them completely out of the covers even in the coldest weather, a fan blowing on them, washing them, soaking them in cold water, sitting with my feet on a cold floor, pacing the concrete outside. Sometimes my hands will also be unbearably hot and that is even worse since it's hard to keep them outside the covers. Very often my torso is freezing and I have to pile 2 or 3 blankets on that part of me, more in winter.

On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst, they are usually between 7 and 9. I can sleep when they are a 7, unless there is anything else stressful keeping my mind active, but even sleeping they are uncomfortable enough to make me restless. Anything over 7 and sleeping soundly is almost impossible. Alcohol makes them worse, pills are addictive and make me depressed. I have tried herbal remedies, calcium, magnesium, anything that promised help, to no avail. Even after the first couple of hours sleep, as soon as they become uncomfortable I start to thrash about.

I have been to the doctor, but he ruled out any medical reason (diabetes being the most likely).

Finally some help - my daughter has recently been going to a naturopath and asked him. He said that it was likely due to adrenal exhaustion. Apparently the adrenals become exhausted when there is a lot of stress in your life, and there has certainly been enough of that in mine.

After hearing this and giving it some thought, I decided that a cure might be found if I could just sleep, as that would cut down on the stress. Insomnia feeds on itself since one becomes more stressed without a good night's rest. I am one of those highly strung types and when I can't sleep I fall apart ! For some years I have restricted everything in my life, including going out in the evening, since I do better after a quiet time at home and an evening walk. Even going on vacation is not something I like to do. I find it best not to use the computer after 8 p.m.,and instead watch or read relaxing non stressful shows/books. It also means being very careful of diet, including chocolate and things like hot peppers, curry in the evenings, cutting out most sugary foods.

As a general way to boost my health I also avoid microwaves, plastic containers especially when anything warm/hot has been placed in them and most particularly not in microwave ovens, aspartame (under its many guises) and chemicals wherever possible.

At last I think I have found an effective remedy. I got some thin white kitchen towels (white so there is no dye) and as soon as I am woken by my feet I go to the bathroom and wet one, squeezing out the excess water. Then I wrap one foot and turn on my side with the wrapped foot on top but resting against the bottom foot to help cool that. I also tuck under the end to keep it more secure, or one could sew an elastic band and have that somewhat loosely over the towel so it is less likely to come loose. When I wake I wrap the other foot and turn the other way. If you try this you might want to put a waterproof pad or plastic sheet over the
mattress to protect it from damp. By the morning the heat is such that the towel is almost
dry !! I am happy to report that after 3 nights of this treatment I did not have hot feet last night !! Early days yet but I couldn't wait to post this in the hope that it might help others with this ghastly problem.

Gay Marriage

I have been outside gardening, where I do a lot of my profound thinking, and decided to write down why I oppose marriage between people of the same sex. On November 4, 2008 by a fairly small majority, the voters of the State of California voted for a constitutional amendment to ban such marriages. Then yesterday, visiting one of my daughters, she made a rather disparaging comment that she was sure I would have voted for the ban, and that she was quite perturbed that it passed. In addition I was forwarded a rather sad email from a young man who was terribly upset that his relationship would not be legalized.

Thinking about my daughter's comment, plus the body language that accompanied it, has occupied my thoughts a little since then. First I would like to remark that it is sad that younger people don't realize that age brings some wisdom with it. You are not just 'an old fool' stuck in your ways, but have had many, many years to see how the world works, how people behave. That is not to say that we are all wise, or all wise in all ways, but at least in most cases experience teaches lessons. Now we have the written word, and easily accessible information on the internet, so the wisdom of the elders counts for very little, whereas in days gone by they were well respected.

I therefore wish to state that I oppose gay marriage for the following reasons:

1. It is quite easy for children to become confused about their sexuality during early puberty. In my native country it was common for children in one-sex schools to have what we called 'crushes' or 'pashes' on older students of the same sex. This was not considered abnormal. I recall being madly in love with one girl about 4 years older, when I was about ten or eleven but it was a stage that passed. With the strong emphasis on homosexual relationships nowadays, I can envision many scenarios where a child could become seriously confused, not to mention guilty. In fact I personally know two men who realized in their 40's that they were not gay after all, and ended up happily married to women they met.

2. I do not think that legalizing what is unnatural is good for civilization. There are already a lot of very strange people in the United States, more so than in most civilized countries. Raising children (thankfully rare) in a gay household must be quite confusing for them, even if they are taught from an early age that it is normal. There must also be unkind comments to deal with from people they know.

3. If you are religious there is the religious argument. I do not belong to any church, but I am not an agnostic. Male and female is the normal and natural thing. It does seem that there are more gays on the planet now, but I have noticed that most of the people I know who are gay (how I hate how that word has been corrupted- I even have a cousin called Gaye - poor thing !) have either mothers who appear to be somewhat masculine in appearance or behavior or fathers who show signs of femininity.

4. The Courts will be flooded with divorce cases, so that cases with children who might need protection will have much delayed Court dates.

5. Churches will be forced to perform marriages their preachers/pastors might strongly object to.

6. A book that I read as a child made rather a strong impression on me. The author wrote that she had decided never to write anything that would corrupt others in any way. That would be rather limiting, but I thought then, and still think, that uplifting stories are terribly important. A vast number of novels published are not really worth the paper they are written on, being full of depravity.

7. It is my belief that a wise civilization safeguards it's children. This is not being done, as our little ones are bombarded with unfortunate examples of the immorality and immaturity of their elders.

My Maternal Great Grandfather and Grandmother

My mother's grandfather, Samuel Barnard was born in 1832 in Antigua and died September 23, 1912 (my birth day) at the age of 80 in Castries, St. Lucia, then the British West Indies. He was a wealthy man of mixed race, including African.    He married the strong willed and lighter complexioned Isabella de Beausire Parker on December 16 or 18, 1862. At that point he was 30 years old and Isabella was 20. The Governor of the island was among the illustrious guests at their wedding. Samuel began his career as a school teacher, his father (Samuel Sr.) having been sent to the island about 1840 by the Lady Mico Charity to start a school in Vieux Fort, when Samuel Jr. was a small child.   Samuel later worked for a local company, Jones & Co??. , a shipping/import company, working his way up and eventually inheriting part of the company then taking over the rest and renaming it Barnard & Sons. He bought numerous properties, both commercial and residential and owned ships and yachts, and eventually, towards the end of his life, the first Jaguar auto dealership on the island. He was a justice of the peace and a member of the local legislature, and was well liked for both his honesty and outspokenness although he was inclined to be quite litigious. His nickname was Papie Sam, by which he was known throughout the island.

His wife, Isabella, was renowned for her difficult nature, but she and Samuel had a long marriage and produced seven children, 6 boys and one daughter, Lillian. Samuel liked to tease the boys by quoting the nursery rhyme "What are little boys made of ?" He was an affectionate and generous man, buying Lillian jewelry from France, one of which was later given to his first granddaughter, Pamela. Even in England his reputation was known to be honest and trustworthy. Comments were made by the family regarding the unfortunate way he was treated by Isabella.

Isabella's parents, Catherine Ann (Beausire) and Thomas Collingwood Parker, had owned a house in Morne Fortune known as 'Retreat' during her childhood, but it burned down in one of the frequent fires that struck the island.  The house was rebuilt by Isabella with money provided by Samuel.

The house where the children were raised was named Sans Souci (French for 'without care'). It was built on Barnard Hill (originally Barnardsville c. 1901). Later some of the grown children had homes on the same hill, which overlooked the harbor.  There was a view of the pier which held the shipping office and at the very end was a large warehouse. Steamships (some owned by the family) came into the deep water harbor to refuel with coal, and a huge pile of this was available. The coal was unloaded by porters with baskets on their heads. The warehouse contained numerous imports - food, including butter in cans, and many items needed on the island.  Samuel likely had business dealings with the West India and Pacific Steam and Navigation Company which was managed by Catherine Ann's uncle, Joseph Beausire, who resided in Liverpool.   Isabella spent quite a bit of time in England, even as a child, since her uncles lived there.   She, together with her mother and 2 sisters, Lydia and Agnes are to be found at Robert Beausire's house in Wallasey in 1851 when the census was conducted.  They must have been in England for several years since two of her siblings died there.  Her only brother Thomas Parker in 1849 age 7, and an older sister, Helen in 1852. Both are buried in the Beausire family plot in Wallasey, Cheshire.

Samuel died of influenza, complicated by dementia. The day before he became ill he was at work as usual at his car dealership. He loved to socialize about town and was often to be found chatting with other locals. His sons were extremely proud of their father.   He was seriously ill about 4 years before his death and after that had to curtail his activities, but spent time on a plantation of lime trees in the garden of Sans Souci.  If he had lived for another 3 months, he and Isabella would have been married for 50 years. He was a member of the Legislature and mentioned in Debrett.   He would have been angry and appalled to know that his granddaughter, Naomi Isabel Barnard, was later turned away from Government House when she arrived in the mid1920's dressed in finery for a ball and escorted by a beau.    Nibs was fair skinned with blue eyes, being 3/4ths white but was not allowed in due to her negro origins.    She was devastated by this and it affected her behavior for the rest of her life.   The Governor General at that time was Sir Frederick Seton Jones who held the post from 1924 through 1930..   The island must have become more racist as white people (British ?) moved there, since Samuel and Isabella's wedding was attended by all sorts of dignitaries, including the Governor-General at that time.

Photos of Isabella de Beausire Parker (born 1842 in St Lucia, died there August 9, 1936 age 94) show a handsome woman, dressed in long black dresses with white hair piled on her head. She was of Arawak, French, English and Alsation background.  

The Beausires were from Alsace Lorraine, where they were a wealthy family involved in raising thoroughbred horses. Isabella's father was an auditor on the island and believed to be great friends with Isabella's oldest brother, Robert Beausire

Family rumour has it that Isabella's great grandmother, who was from Martinique, was a Creole and very lovely.   She had an affair with Admiral Hyde Parker, 5th Baronet. Research has proven all other family rumours but one to be true, so this is probably correct. He was widowed, in the West Indies hunting pirates and reputedly fell madly in love with her, which union produced a son, who may have been named either William Parker or Thomas Collingwood Parker (Sr.) after Hyde Parker's good friend, Admiral Collingwood.    His ship the Cato disappeared at sea a few years later but he bequeathed our ancestor various items from his estate that were not entailed, and quite a bit of money.  Some of his family were furious when they found out, but his sister was friendly and wrote her various letters.   That son then had a daughter, Elizabeth Parker, who had several children, including Thomas Collingwood Parker (Jr.)

Isabella was partially educated in England,    She was raised Catholic but later joined the Anglican Church, perhaps due to Samuel's aversion to Catholicism or because her brothers were Anglican.  There was a Catholic school in St. Lucia at one point and she most likely attended there during her early years. 

Isabella was not well liked by her grandchildren or daughters in law, being described by one of them as "a dreadful woman, ignorant and bad tempered.". If she saw the grandchildren eating her grapes she would come storming out to chase them away. She had a cherry tree cut down after she saw her granddaughter, Joan, eating the fruit ! Sans Souci was a lovely house, with a long balcony, kept shady and cool with twining vines and flowering bougainvillea. The house was painted white and there were tall statues of graceful females displayed here and there on the stairs. Isabella died of cardiac arrest at the age of 94, in 1926.

In his Will Samuel requested that their children not sell the real property he had accumulated, in particular Sans Souci, but that request was ignored, although the family company continued for many years after his death.   Sans Souci burned down in another large fire after Isabella's death in 1936 and Barnard Hill is now home to a small museum ?

(c) Elizabeth Donnell November 15, 2015

My Maternal Grandmother

My maternal grandmother, Florence Winifred nee Hendy, ("Winifred") was born on October 20, 1882 in Brighton, England. She was very lovely with long hair. My older brother and I didn't meet her until we were about 9 and 7 years old respectively, when she and my grandfather, George Ernest Beausire Barnard, came to visit and a year or so later to live near us in Worthing, England. Prior to that they had been living in St. Lucia in the West Indies. Even in her later years Winifred had long hair below her waist. When she was younger it was long enough to sit on and she always kept it in braids, wound about her head. By the time I met her she had grey hair, but when she was a child it was blond, darkening to a light brown as she grew older. She had blue eyes and was about 5' 2 " tall.

She was a very happy woman, it seemed to me. Often laughing, somewhat plump, sedentary , gentle natured. Her father, William Hendy, born May 6, 1840 was a book publisher, who died a month after she was born on November 24, 1882, and her mother, Katherine Amelia (nee Holmes) born December 17, 1841, died on October 16, 1888, shortly after Winifred's 6th birthday. They both died of tuberculosis. At the time of her mother's death, Winifred's oldest sister, Helen, was 22 and Mildred, the next in age, was 18, and they cared for her after their mother's death and for the two boys, William, 17, and Charles, age 14, although the boys were away at boarding school. As sisters often can be they were quite strict with Winifred so that she never quite forgave them and they were never close, even as adults. Perhaps they resented having to act as parents to a small girl, particularly at an age when they would have been dating. Mildred never married but Helen did at the age of 28 when Winifred was 12 years old. Another possibility could have been jealousy since Winifred was the beauty of the family. At the age of 19 she was still living in Brighton, and working as a typist but shortly after that she got a job with the War Office in London, as a secretary.  At some point she went to live with a grandmother and her slightly older cousin, Hilda.

She met her husband, George , born October 12, 1869, through Hilda. Hilda married George's brother, Arthur Alison Barnard on August 2, 1900 but the marriage lasted only long enough to produce one daughter, Pamela, born on May 20, 1907. Winifred's marriage to George on June 7, 1905 however, was long and happy, with seven children. Soon after their marriage they sailed to St. Lucia, where George owned coconut and banana plantations. Winifred never learned to keep house or cook, since George had multiple servants on his plantation and when they were in England others were either brought with them to houses they rented or hired locally. There were also nurses and governesses for the children, including a wonderful black nurse called "Da". Winifred did not breast feed any of her babies.

George was 13 years older than Winifred and as a young man was rather quick tempered and aggressive, but by the time he was in his late 70's he had mellowed. He had a lot of problems with cataract and was almost blind, wearing an eye patch over one eye. The cataract started to develop quite early (in his late 40's) and at one point he sailed to Canada for treatment. He liked to have his nails very long which I considered effeminate but of which he was quite proud, and I would nag at him to let me cut them. He would eventually relent, allowing me to cut all but the little fingernail on each hand !

My mother has dreadful stories of him horsewhipping the four oldest children, including her, but by the time the 3 youngest boys were born he had changed. She has scars on her back from the whips and even when she was grown she avoided much in the way of conversation with him. She and her next born sibling, Hugh, were the ones who received the most punishment. My mother was very strong willed, disobedient and difficult but Hugh was a sensitive child and suffered most from the harsh treatment. Winifred was not without blame in the matter though, since she would report the children's misdemeanors to their father and request that he punish them. During one of their visits to England, while the family was living in a rented house someone reported suspected child abuse to the local authorities and there was an investigation, but nothing was proved.

After their retirement to Worthing in 1950, George and Winifred resided in a guest house run by an older couple and their daughter, Gwen. There were other guests in the house and meals were provided. Both George and Winfred developed diabetes and heart problems during this time, probably from the rather poor diet, since they were fed a lot of starch and sweet desserts. One dessert that Gwen loved to make was called "lardy cake", which she would share with us too. You can just imagine the ingredients !!! They both gained too much weight. Occasionally my grandmother would take my mother, brother and I out to afternoon tea at the local tea shops where we would order hot tea and hot buttered toast (usually slightly burned since there were no toasters). A little pot of jam would accompany the toast and then the waitress would bring round a plate with a variety of small pastries and cakes and we were allowed to choose one each. Never more ! This used to bother me, since eating out was a particular treat and I didn't think it was very fair. I never said anything though since English children are (or were in those days) raised to be very polite !! I believe now that my grandfather although quite wealthy, was very careful with money and kept my grandmother on a tight rein.

My grandfather died at the age of 82 on May 12, 1952 of heart problems. He was in a private nursing home after he became ill and the nurses commented on the marvelous physique he had for his age. Large death duties (taxes) had to be paid from his estate, and my grandmother died at the age of 72 on May 5, 1954 - almost two years after his death, and just long enough after that more death duties were payable. The taxes almost wiped out my grandparents carefully conserved money, leaving almost nothing but the plantations in the Caribbean which had previously been turned into a limited company, divided between the seven children.

After my grandfather died I recall my grandmother trying not to laugh at things she found funny, since she felt it was not suitable for a new widow. I remember her in gales of laughter, saying to my mother, "Oh, Lesley, don't." It probably did her a great deal of good to laugh. She had a very good sense of smell and one day when she was at our house for a visit she kept complaining that she smelled apple (which she hated). My mother assured her that there was no apple in the room, but later realized there was a small piece in the canary's birdcage.

Winifred often commented that she was forever 'waiting' for others or some event to occur, and felt that this was a punishment for past life sins ! She loved to do crosswords from the Sunday Times newspaper, and was very good at them. She was terribly affected by the heat in the Caribbean and was miserable living there. Educated women in those days were expected to wear long dresses and sleeves regardless of the weather, so I am not surprised. My mother recalls her forever complaining about the heat, sitting fanning herself and sending the children away to be cared for by servants. The plantations were also quite isolated and my grandmother loved to shop. Fortunately there were occasional visits to England, by sea, which helped in that regard.

She was very much loved by her children, and especially by my mother. 

(c) Elizabeth Donnell March 10, 2010